Restlessness. It gnaws away at me.
There is so much I feel I want to do — need to do, have to do.
Fear pushes me to try. My mind is full of the consequences of inaction: another day lost; all my momentum gone; more delay in seeing the progress that I crave so much to see. The painful realisation that I am still so many steps away from being able to ship – when shipping means everything. It brings closure. It is what all of this is about. Ideas mean nothing without the execution. And even artists have to ship. Their creations must be released into the world and shared.
I try, but it feels empty. I know I am just going through the motions. It feels weak and hollow. I know there is no real energy behind anything that I now try to do.
I know what I must do; even though it scares me to do it. I must stop and confront my feelings. I have to listen to the stirrings of my heart and soul. I must make peace within if I am to see progress without. I need to take time out to unravel my thoughts and feelings. I need to find clarity. Only from there can I proceed to take any action that is either meaningful or effective.
But stopping is scary. It’s the last thing you want to do when you already feel pressed to complete your work.
I tell myself it is not a waste of time. I tell myself it is the very best thing that I can do. I remind myself that only more wasteful thrashing about awaits me if I talk myself out of this step. No wins. Only restlessness.
Stop. Take a deep breath. Confront your feelings and find clarity.